My reality versus my rationality.
I thought I could become more than the reality I took in when I looked around and became self aware at the age of nine.
I thought wrong.
Quote: “Regardless of what a man says, what he does in the end is what he intended to do all along.”
~ Cus D’amato
When you can’t run scared, can’t fight back, and can’t see a way out… what happens?
I posture and pose, I talk big & act tough, but at my core I’m still just the dirt bag little loser kid.
I haven’t done anything or been anywhere.
And my “little wins” I do have… don’t add up to anything.
So what am I doing here?
Definitions:
“Depression” = “I want to kill myself.”
“Anxiety Attack” = “I want to physically run away, but I can’t.” (Especially now as an adult)
A linear ramp up to a sinful solution of neurotransmitter releases.
Because you don’t really know what shame is and the accompanying emotional response to it.
- Stress applied (and for some reason the fear of shame is engaged) = new job, no money, or no respect even in your own house.
- Stress resides = in the back of the neck; your temples; or the pit of your stomach.
- Stress outcomes: nausea; sweating; panic attack; feeling trapped unable to get away from the stress and fear of shame.
- Stress Relief: anger blow up; over exercising; pornography; whiskey.
- Negative Pattern: thinking you could have handled it better; now feeling ashamed AND guilty; vowing it won’t happen again…
But like Cus said, “You predetermined the outcome yourself.”
And around and around we go.
Book of Romans Ch. 7
And anger, always anger at the fact you didn’t do nothing different to change the future… you just… sit, stand, or lay there and take it!
Like the dirt bag little loser kid that you are … because that’s all you know to do.
“Try harder, try something different.”
What a joke.
I would if I knew something different!
That, I believe, is the chaotic; anxiety filled; negative spiraling pattern every Emerging Man faces at some point.
Problem is… we don’t have a language for what we are going through, or the language needed to garner a new approach for positive growth.
That is a component of my new project, developing a language that makes sense to men.
I was close with my book “God’s Word Mechanically Speaking to Men” and will be using that book as a sort of template for this upcoming project.
I have a handful of The Emerging Man Podcast episodes up and running along with some companions shorts on YouTube…
Dave Bosquez@TheEmergingMan channel.
Check it out.
theemergingman.com 