Boundaries resemble Responsibilities; They help define us, but are they who we are?

People with wounded inner children can often experience persistent and chronic feelings of emptiness, helplessness and hopelessness. They might feel that they are existing as a false self and that their life lacks a sense of aliveness or spontaneity.

What are my boundaries and responsibilities? And how do they define me?

My thought… “If I AM NOT…this or that… what am I? How would you define me? How do I define myself?”

My other thought… “How does a color picture develop from a black and silver “negative”??

My thought: God has created boundaries for things, which in turn help to define them.

Jeremiah 5:22, NIV “Should you not fear me?” declares the LORD. “Should you not tremble in my presence? I made the sand a boundary for the sea, an everlasting barrier it cannot cross. The waves may roll, but they cannot prevail; they may roar, but they cannot cross it.”

My thought: How do we know who we are? How can we break free from our current boundaries and responsibilities… responsibly, and in a mature, thoughtful and purposeful way? If we are feeling the need to do so.

Below are my thoughts I have for today.

My thought: Let’s look at how boundaries might help us.

“On playgrounds without fences, the children tended to gather around the teacher, and were reluctant to stray far from her view. On playgrounds that were fenced in, however, they ran all around the entire playground, feeling more free to explore. The researchers concluded that with a boundary, in this case a fence, children felt more at ease to explore the space.”

Romans 12:2, NIV Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Psalm 119:45, NIV I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.

John Mattone…

“You are 100% responsible for how you show up, what you do and believe in life.

You are free to be who you want to be today.

The moment when we no longer consider not having a choice, we are stepping into a place of irresponsibility and dis-empowerment, we are putting ourselves into a victim’s heart.

Erik Erikson’s term for the attainment of identity is the point at which a person understands who she or he is as a unique individual, in accord with past experiences and future plans.

Core identity is more connected with your own values, and is about your self-worth.

🔰 Your core identity should always be the captain of the ship guiding you on the course of life, letting you manifest as who you truly are. Identifying and defining your core identity it makes you gain a greater sense of inner-peace.

The core of who we are is about the journey of our personal self-discovery, which is a life process.

In conclusion, your true identity is not about what you have achieved on the outside, but the values that lay inside of you.”

See book by John Mattone: ‘Intelligent Leadership’

My thought: IF SO, THEN… how do we define “values” and set our personal “self worth”???

“Reaffirm your values.”

“Rather than focusing on productivity as it pertains to accomplishing goals, build stronger ties to accomplishing things based on what you value.

These values could be character traits such as integrity, loyalty, honesty or kindness.

Ultimate values, like the desire for freedom, security, and independence, define your ultimate desires that likely guide your actions throughout your life.”

“Character, in the long run, is the decisive factor in the life of an individual and of nations alike.” ~Theodore Roosevelt.

My thought: when we “value” some thing… any thing… we invest in it, 1st with our initial attention, 2ndly with our time, 3rdly with our money; 4thly with our sharing of it with others.

My thought: then to develop our “self-worth” we need to “see” our personal value and values… and then… invest in IT, and THEM… as we would any other THING… with the same 4 investments.

My thought: My “character” after much soul searching and research is… Communicator/Lion/Golden Retriever/Mature helper / and leans toward duty/discipline/honor/loyalty and responsibility.

My thought: Look up more Bible notes… who does God say I am? Or you are, if you follow Him.

“Here is a list of biblical affirmations about our identity in Jesus Christ that is derived from a few selected passages in the New Testament. This is just a portion of the many truths about who we have become through faith in God’s Son, but it is a powerful inventory to review from time to time.”

But to all who have received him–those who believe in his name–he has given the right to become God’s children … (John 1:12).

I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener. I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in me–and I in him–bears much fruit, because apart from me you can accomplish nothing (John 15:1, 5).

For the law of the life-giving Spirit in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2).

And if children, then heirs (namely, heirs of God and also fellow heirs with Christ)–if indeed we suffer with him so we may also be glorified with him (Romans 8:17).

Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you (1 Corinthians 6:19)?

But the one united with the Lord is one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17).

So then, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; what is old has passed away–look, what is new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17)!

So you are no longer a slave but a son, and if you are a son, then you are also an heir through God (Galatians 4:7).

For he chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world that we may be holy and unblemished in his sight in love (Ephesians 1:4).

For freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not be subject again to the yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1).

Blessed is the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms in Christ (Ephesians 1:3).

And when you heard the word of truth (the gospel of your salvation)–when you believed in Christ–you were marked with the seal of the promised Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13).

made us alive together with Christ–by grace you are saved (Ephesians 2:4-5)!

For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we may do them (Ephesians 2:10).

But now in Christ Jesus you who used to be far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ (Ephesians 2:13).

In whom we have boldness and confident access to God because of Christ’s faithfulness (Ephesians 3:12).

But our citizenship is in heaven–and we also await a savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ … (Philippians 3:20).

We know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you … (1 Thessalonians 1:4).

“The more we embrace these truths from Scripture about who we have become in Christ, the more stable, grateful, and fully assured we will be in this world.”

My thought: So here are our boundaries… our fences… that define us. In the word of God.

My thought: This makes me think of my past experience growing up in the world.

I was identified as “a Bosquez” my boundaries had been laid out and by definition I had a poor character, and had “negative” experiences in association with that.

For example… as I went through middle school, and then high school, I had a few teachers who, in no uncertain terms, showed me disdain because of the experience they had with my older siblings.

When I realized what was happening, and to be honest, I didn’t help matters, I dug my own hole with a few of those teachers.

Now… to note… there were two of them that I had, that did, after getting to know me, change their tune and met me half way so that at least we could get through class together.

My inner self [inner child] did not agree with my outer self [teenage ego] and it’s perceived boundaries at the time… but I didn’t know what else to do, so I met the lowered expectations of a few individual teachers, and to be honest, a couple of police officers, and in my “self perception” at the time, thought I was a “no good kid” even though my inner child disagreed every chance it got.

It created a mental confusion for me.

I tried to be “good” here and there. Those teachers, who were true teachers, in my opinion, when they got to know me, we would have great conversations, that I still look fondly back on today.

And then, to top off my confusion, add to it the emotional neglect I experienced from my dad [which at that time I didn’t know what that was], it created for me a conundrum.

I knew what I didn’t want to do anymore, but I didn’t know how to do the right thing moving forward; the positive thing; the successful thing.

What I did have was a “negative experience” and the information that comes with that, with it being like the negative used for a photograph.

So the only thing I could try was to do the exact opposite of the information that I did have… in the dad department, and in my work department.

It would be years until I realized that any positive approach I did have… came from my mom.

I started to hear myself say, “My mom taught me that; I learned that from my mom; or, my mom would always say…”

Multiple layers… we as humans are made up of… multiple layers.

Did you know there are multiple layers to the negative of a photograph? Check it out.

As the lens opens, the film is exposed to light, the light exposure chemically sears the image into a negative from which the completed photo will develop.

The layers, the boundaries, of the film, determine the end resulting colors, which in themselves are boundaries, that we have learned to identify over time. Red is red; blue is blue; green is green.

People like to take a picture of a lake. The definition of a lake is… a body of water surrounded by land.

And if I ask you, “What goes with ‘beach’?” I would hope you would say, “Ocean.”

And a river wouldn’t be a river without a bank to slide down.

God created a boundary that helps to define these bodies of water.

Our “body” helps to define us… as a human being vs. being a lion, tiger or howler monkey.

Human beings seem to hate labels and boundaries… even though our outward identity is covered in them, our height, eye color, hair texture, skin tone and bone structure… and some folks, not content with their natural labels, go out and get labels etched directly into their skin that set them even more apart from the crowd with labels that are very personal to them… in effect creating an even more unique identity than their natural labels provided.

Which in turn makes other people nervous about their “perceived” boundaries.

So as human beings we differ from the flora and fauna.

But are not so different from each other…

“As one scholar notes, “[t]he nineteenth century was a period of exhaustive and–as it turned out–futile search for criteria to define and describe race differences.”. . . Attempts to define racial categories by physical attributes ultimately failed.”

Science says, “We are 99.99% the same.”

Except for identical twins who may be more, but if you look real close, you can pick up on a difference or two even in twins, but there is not, will not, or can be… another one of you.

Every person on the face of the earth… is unique… never in the known, or unknown, history of the cosmos has there been another one of you… and in the future… there will never again be another one of you… or me.

My thought: How can we embrace that built in uniqueness to help ourselves realize, or develop, like that color photo, into who we truly are, or want to be?

My thought: How can we answer the age old question, “Who am I?”

Identity moratorium is a status that describes those who are actively exploring in an attempt to establish an identity but have yet to have made any commitment.

This time can be an anxious and emotionally tense period as the adolescent experiments with different roles and explores various beliefs. Nothing is guaranteed, and there are many questions, but few answers. This moratorium phase is the precursor to identity achievement. During the moratorium period, it is normal for adolescents to be rebellious and uncooperative, avoid dealing with problems, procrastinate, experience low self-esteem, feel anxious, and uncertain about decisions.

Identity achievement refers to those who, after exploration, have committed.

Identity achievement is a long process and is not often realized by the end of adolescence. Individuals that do reach identity achievement feel self-acceptance, stable self-definition, and are committed to their identity.”


My thought: In the Bible it is written that you can be known by others. In the story of The Seven Sons of Sceva, a demon they are dealing with says, “Jesus I know, and Paul I know about…”. How did that demon know Jesus and know about Paul? Reputation? Experience?

My thought: Maybe my perception of myself is false, ego inflated, and just isn’t reality?

How do we find out how others perceive us? When does that matter? Does it matter?

My thought: How do we be careful in any personal assessment? How do we stay away from needing false validation from others? And how do we find true validation?… factual validation, like that which is found in the Bible??

Note: I feel trapped in my personal responsibilities and can not currently see how to carve out the time to move my writing forward… and this has me wondering to myself, “Are you really a writer then?” “Are you really serious about developing your skills as a writer, if you want to be a professional some sacrifices will need to be made.”

My thought: The only problem with that is… it will not be me who suffers if I sacrifice something to focus on my writing, it is not I who will have to do without this or that… but others would lose… me, my time, my attention, my presence and availability.

I’m responsible for people, my family, they depend on my presence, on me being available, on me… right now being the only one available to do it. Whatever THAT is.

That is my current identity. My current “Who am I.”

My thought: Am I being honest with myself? Or is there a fear buried in there somewhere, un-revealed as of yet, because it has not been exposed to the light yet, OR has it been exposed to the light and I’m nervous (not being honest here, I’m afraid, not nervous) about what is being developed?

I feel afraid it has something to do with the boundaries of “professionalism” and “quality”.

And my abilities to meet that challenge.

And IF SO then I’m full circle, back to feeling “NOT GOOD ENOUGH”… good grief Charlie Brown!

Which is an immature response at this juncture in my life.

But if I look at my predicament from an adolescent development perspective… being based off of my understanding of my growing up emotionally stunted… I can now see how God stepped into my life and provided me with “another” childhood, in which, even though I’m old by calendar standards, in Gods eyes I’m at the end of my spiritual adolescents and now have been through enough experiences, having poked and prodded around enough, that I can use those to SOLIDIFY MY IDENTITY.


To answer the question… “Who am I?”

I recognize today that it has come to this… in a word… COMMITMENT.

It’s time to choose and to commit… to being a writer.

So, some how… some way… I have to do the work to determine ‘who, what, where, when, and why,’ I want to be a COMMUNICATOR… with books and articles being my current modus operandi to move forward.

A colorful development indeed.

So, as that demon asked the sons of Sceva, “Who are you?” I can answer him…

“I am Dave, a human being, a little brother to Jesus Christ, a husband of one wife, a definite dad, a granddad, a helper, a good deed doer, one who ‘works for a living’ and one… with a writing kit by his side.”

How are you doing?

Know who you are… or are you, like me, still flapping that Polaroid waiting for what develops?

The Emerging Man… offering “Positivity with Work Gloves” hoping to ENCOURAGE EQUIP & ENGAGE! by sharing one mans personal growth, as he fights his way through the battle smoke filled arena… that is his mind!

1 thought on “Boundaries resemble Responsibilities; They help define us, but are they who we are?

  1. Thsi one feels like it is all over the map, very difficult to follow the line of thinking. May need a review and rework:)


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