I don’t think we do a very good job at the moment of encouraging men. Jordan Petersonhttps://quillette.com/2019/04/12/jordan-peterson-and-the-new-chivalry/
“Where’s the remote? Help me look for it.”
“Find it yourself!”
Who’s voice did you just hear? Moms, girlfriends, wife, significant other… was it your dads or another mans voice? Most likely it was not a mans voice.
Seems men, if they engage at all, only know how to encourage by screaming like a crusty old drill sergeant.
I’ve been pondering that lately.
For you veterans who may read this… 1. Thank You for your service, and 2. If I get it wrong… kindly straighten me out.
I researched the Marine Corp basic training scenario of the “LAF” Drill Sergeants… from the time you get on the bus until the day you graduate out. (LAF = Loud As F*%K!… if you didn’t guess)
I wanted to understand the technique and the goal behind all that yelling. I have had family members in the Marines and so have an inkling of what goes on… my brother and my dad were Marines… (I was told “once a Marine, always a Marine”) I mention my dads penchant for screaming in my latest book The Definite Dad. And its affects on me.
All that yelling is part science and part art. It applies stress to a group of raw 18 – 20 year olds in order to teach them how to respond during a “situation,” due to the way they set it up… you really aren’t mentally learning… it is mostly muscle memory, with a few sparse directives.
It has a purpose.
No. It is not to motivate. No. It is not to teach you how to march in line.
The critical thing… in the end… is to make you a Marine. To turn you from a soft civilian… into a warrior.
With around .5% of the population being in active service at any one time why do the majority of men still feel the need to encourage only using their lung power?
I personally struggled as an adult when a boss or pastor would try to encourage me, on purpose, using positive language. Sorry, but it always sounded weak, insincere, and plain ol’ false… to me anyway.
I’m not a “rah-rah-sis-boom-bah!!” kinda guy. Most motivational speakers make me choke the way they sound so cheery and sugary. Don’t start screaming at me either… I got over that hurdle a long time ago. Plus when people do it… who are not drill sergeants… just make themselves look ridiculous.
I have a different outlook now. What changed?
I matured as I made my way through the battle-smoke of life.
I looked for men I respected.
I worked on my trust issues.
I shared my feelings honestly with them and in the end the advice I received… I appreciated.
The most encouraging was when my pastor placed his hand on my shoulder and said, “Dave, you are a man. God doesn’t give this kind of work to immature boys.”
That was very encouraging.
If you are a yeller… yelling at your kids, your spouse, your co-workers… or use yelling as your go to for other men in your life… it is high time you reconnoiter your position… you are doing more harm than good.
It’s time to develop a more mature set of tools for your manly character tool box that will help you Encourage, Equip & Engage yourself and others… because if all you use is a hammer… then everything starts to look like a nail.